I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I intend to get homeless drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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