were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
