you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
