is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
