im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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