You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
