HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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