Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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