Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
