you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
