I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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