butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
