brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
