chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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