My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it's like iHOP with fire
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
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some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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