Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
