Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
