Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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