Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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