I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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