My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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