sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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