Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
