One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
