420 ftw
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
