I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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