i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
