is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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