After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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