You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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