We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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