I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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