Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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