i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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