the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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