Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
