Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
