I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
