Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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