shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
