Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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