So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
