I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
