i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
