I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
