I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
