its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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