I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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