I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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