At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
