she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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