I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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