good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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