Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
