I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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