happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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