you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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